release trauma

Why you shouldn’t rely on loved ones to help you release trauma – or even worse, “do it on your own”

Processing and releasing trauma is a delicate process and one that ought to be honoured with as much reverence as life itself.

It’s not all in your head.

It’s in your body.

This is why talk-therapies can only take you so far. Talk therapies and speaking up, in general, is so powerful and can be so deeply healing. It can be enough for a shift to occur, to a degree. To a degree.

3 reasons why you ought not to seek help from loved ones to release trauma

1.

Firstly I’d like to speak on re-traumatising. This is wherein an attempt to deal with trauma, we accidentally re-traumatise as a result of not being adequately supported through the process.

Every time you think about or talk about a particular past trauma, you can potentially re-traumatise.

The subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.

The subconscious mind doesn’t know that what you’re thinking about or talking about isn’t actually happening again in the present time.

To the subconscious mind, when we re-live a trauma, it’s as if it’s actually happening yet again. Reinforcing the pain, stress and impact on the nervous system, and doing further damage – more harm than good.

The conscious mind, the one we’re consciously aware of and use to think, plan and act with, of course, knows the trauma isn’t happening again. Unfortunately, that’s not enough to prevent the repetition of the harmful effects on the body and its systems.

YES it’s so important to talk to our trusted loved ones, to express with honesty and vulnerability – this is crucial for deeply connected, long-term and healthy relationships. Yet – we can’t rely on loved ones to help us to resolve it. It’s likely that they haven’t had the years and years of training and experience required to assist another to move through trauma.

(Although helping my clients to release trauma is a natural gift of mine, and has been long before I began this work – it’s taken me 7 years of professional experience to deeply know in my bones that I’m qualified to talk about it.)

Even if the person IS trained in a modality which can release trauma, without the context of a professional setting and safe space, the situation would be an energetically imbalanced one and isn’t conducive to permanent healing and resolution of the trauma. Unless you’re paying them, and you’re working together as they would with any other client – an energetic imbalance is present and both karmically and practically this can be harmful.

We communicate very differently with professionals, to those in our close circles. It’s a different level of relationship, with boundaries, systems and containers designed to do a very specific job and create a specific result.

Here’s the thing – trauma gets stuck in our body and energetic systems.

Without adequate professional support in these areas, it’s near impossible to process and release in full.

The risk of re-traumatising is a dangerous game. Don’t play it.

The imprint of the effect of the trauma is reinforced, meaning the external patterns you observe in your life can continue to repeat, and you continue to wonder why the same old shit keeps happening to you, why you keep attracting abusive people into your life, for example.

2.

Unless the other party is professionally trained (but even then – see above), it’s likely that any advice they give you will be based 100% on their own life experience. Based on what they’ve been through, what they’ve learned, and what worked for them.

This can be helpful, we do learn and grow through sharing our stories with each other. Again, to a degree. And this can lead to a multitude of issues.

A) What works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another

B) There’s a bias based on their own opinions of the people and circumstances involved.

There is no place for opinions and “advice” when it comes to releasing trauma. Every situation is unique, and despite the similarities, no one has lived your specific life-history except you.

The healthiest way, long-term, is self-empowerment and self-responsibility. This doesn’t come from being told what to do. The thing about being told what to do – it insinuates that the person doing the telling knows better. It’s disempowering.

NO ONE knows better than you, about how to operate best in your life and business.

With a qualified professional who has spent the years upon years developing the fine art of asking the right questions, you can access your own answers within yourself.

How cool is that?!

The old adage is true, cliche but true – the answers really are inside of you. All we ever need is a guide or mentor who’s centred in love and compassion, to help us to access those answers, and has the toolkit to help you release the trauma from your body.

You inadvertently open the door to being told what to do when you choose only to confide in loved ones to work through issues. It’s not their fault, they don’t know any better! They’re not professionally trained. They just want to help you and see you happy and well.

3.

It is not the responsibility of your loved ones to ensure your joy and wellbeing.

You and only you are responsible for those.

No you are not at fault, for what happened to you. Absolutely not. Your healing, however is your responsibility and again – how empowering is that? That is AWESOME! That means you’ve got the power to heal. You DO.

To expect your loved ones to be equipped for the job just isn’t fair and puts crazy amounts of pressure on them.

It puts pressure on relationships and makes things weird. Energetic imbalances can start to come in and things can start feeling murky, unconscious energy drain dynamics can form, along with unhealthy codependency dynamics.

YES of course we want people in our close circle with whom we can express everything and anything. There’s a fine line between this and literally “dumping” all your “stuff” on them. We’re not trash cans, are we.

It’s never great to feel like one, and it’s not a great feeling when you realise in hindsight that you may have treated someone like one.

It’s all OK. We’ve all been on both sides. We learn and we grow. Every day you’re becoming more conscious and self-aware. Compassion, my love, have compassion for wherever you’re at in your evolution.

What’s this got to do with your soul work?

How does held trauma impact your soul work?

Honestly the list is never-ending, I’ll keep it succinct for now.

In my 7 year carer as a professional Kinesiologist, I’ve observed that most issues we experience in life come back to a repressed trauma at the root cause level. Trauma held in the body shows up all the time as the number one block, misalignment or incongruency to a particular goal around business or income.

Examples:

1. Being visible online.

You will not rock the visibility thing until you feel 110% SAFE to do so. If there are subconscious fears around bullying, persecution, being ostracised or attacked for being who you are or similar – you won’t be shining your light online.

We simply do not do, what we do not feel safe to do.

We just don’t. This is our core survival technique. Our core biological drive is survival. We avoid risks because of this. This is also why so many people get stuck in their comfort zones. It’s safe there.

Most commonly, when a new client begins work with me, feeling safe to be fully present in their body shows up as the first thing to work through. If we’re not claiming our energetic field in full and feel truly, deeply safe simply to be here – we’re set for struggle town. Often this can take more than one session to address all of the layers, potentially across lifetimes, that contributes to this.

A part of us “checks out” so to speak, either during or after experiencing significant trauma. In my language and professional training it’s called Soul Fragmentation. There may be differing terms for the same thing across other professions. This is a survival technique – it’s your body’s way of protecting you. It would be far too painful to feel what you’re feeling at the time in full, so a part of you fragments and goes elsewhere.

I work with specific protocols to rewire your neurology for safety and bring all parts of you home.

2. Honouring the value of your time, energy and work, with honesty and integrity.

False humility can be sign of repressed trauma. It’s difficult to raise your prices and charge for ALL of your time (you know, all that extra time you spend working that you don’t actually charge for! I see you darling), if you’re not actually seeing the value and honouring it yourself first. You can’t expect other people to give the work the respect it deserves if you’re not doing that yourself.

Notice I said “the work”, not “you”. This is not about your worth and value.

Your value is PRICELESS and we can’t put no dollar amount on that! This is about the work that you do.

3. All the subconscious self-stuff

The self-stuff that infiltrates your online content, your words both verbal and written, how you show up in your business and online, how you present yourself, the space you work in – where and how you choose to work, and ultimately how effective you are in your service.

All the self-stuff is impacted by trauma. Self-worth, self-esteem, self-love, self-perception, self-compassion.

Those things are difficult to cultivate to their full potential, with past trauma running the show in your subconscious. It’s very difficult to access what’s happening in your subconscious alone – it’s subconscious! Now that I’ve been doing this work with clients for 7 years, and I LIVE and breathe in this world, I actually blow myself away sometimes with how much I can uncover within and for myself. So – unless you too do this work – you can’t expect yourself to be easily able to do something you haven’t had years of professional experience doing.

These aspects of self impact everything – from attracting the right clients/customers, income and the full service-delivery process.

4. Your energetic capacity to hold and receive clients, money, opportunities and even creative downloads.

When there’s subconscious trauma taking up space within our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual realms – it detracts from the space that could be holding much more beneficial energies.

If we want more of something, anything really – we gotta let some old shit go.

One of my teachers back when I was studying said to me, if you want new clients, declutter and clean a room in your house! And it works! EVERY time.

We need to clear out those rooms, both externally in our environment and internally within our being, to allow the new, or MORE of what we truly desire, to arrive.

Time and space are required for your body to process and release on all connected levels, in alignment with your own safest timeline. Yes, we can encourage a “speeding up” of that timeline through my work, it’s a careful and delicate process, involving our core amygdala needs of survival and safety.

Each being has its own unique optimal rate for processing, integration and release. It needs to be honoured with reverence and bespoke, expert, attention.

YES the work on a soul and spiritual level can be done lightning fast. There is no time or space in those realms. The body, however, exists in our 3D linear reality, measured by time. Rather than resisting or fighting that you need to honour and work with that.

Feeling like you should be able to do it on your own

This concept is ego-based and stems from ingrained patriarchal constructs involving do do do, go go go, achieve achieve achieve, and “I don’t need help if I ask for help that’s a sign of weakness and I’m strong!”

Seeking help is the most courageous and strong thing you can do. Seeking help is saying hey – I’m not going to carry this around anymore. I value myself enough to be held and witnessed by a professional while I work through this. Seeking help is where the conscious mind says to the unconscious mind – “It’s OK. I got you babe. I’m gonna look after you. We can relax, breathe and let ourselves be held in the loving arms of another who knows what they’re doing.”

We’re not designed to go at it all alone, with anything in life. Us humans are biologically designed for community, and we’re each here with specific roles and ways that we can help each other out, both practically in our 3D reality, and on a soul evolutionary level.

To think that you can resolve it on your own is actually quite brutal. It’s a form of subconscious self-cruelty.

How can you expect yourself to be able to just know how to do something that we (professionals) train for years and years to do?

You don’t expect yourself to be able to do something that anyone in any kind of industry can do – a carpenter, a lawyer, a psychologist, a doctor etc. Why would you expect yourself to be able to do this.

De-valuing our personal trauma is big in the collective. We’re fed so much bullshit. Like, “it’s all perspective” and “someone else has it a lot worse than you”. Look I’m all for perspective evolution but where it gets harmful is when it gets taken too far becomes spiritual bypassing or gaslighting. Have I ever got a post coming for you on those topics. Watch out for ranty-fired up Jax coming soon to a screen near you!

If trauma is left unaddressed, can lead to a whole host of long-term physical and mental health issues.

Re-traumatising isn’t a risk worth taking.

Please seek the support you need. Ask questions in your community, if you don’t know where to turn. Send me a message. I don’t “sell” to people. If you’re not a good fit for my particular work, I will point you in the right direction for what I feel is the most suitable course of action for you – I have a vast referral base. There are plenty of free helplines, mental health plans via your GP that can be obtained, should funds be an issue.

Please reach out and book a call with me if you DO feel my work is for you – you’re a creative entrepreneur with a sense of past trauma being held in your system, you’ve hit a financial upper limit and you’re going batshit crazy trying to figure out why – I can help you on our call. Tuning in specifically to your energetic matrix, we can identify the cause of the block or upper-limit plateau, and I’ll share with you exactly what you can do to shift it.

With love & grace,